This morning I read an article about Australia's Department of Tourism searching for a candidate to fill the job of the countries 'blogger'. The duties of this job are to live in a multi million dollar home on the beach; to daily walk the white sand; enjoy the island and blog almost daily so the rest of the world can hear how wonderful Australia is.
My immediate realization was that I don't snorkel or climb mountains, which probably is required...I'm too old; too out of shape; too not quite good enough.
I was surprised by those thoughts, not because they were new to me, but because I had just been studying Psalms 126 and been praying about those very things: the fear that the best is over. I'm used up, with nothing to offer God's Body anymore. I've been told NO perhaps one time too many. I can see that I don't step forward anymore with an excited response, saying, Yes, I would love to serve in that way.
Is this 'normal' for a 51 year old woman? I have never wanted to be 'normal'...but somewhere along the way of life, I've stepped back and attended to what was/is most important--the education and life of my children. That has filled up every year, every month, week, day, hour...second! It has been the greatest job in the world. It IS the greatest job in the world, but so much more. It has been and is my life.
So, as my son is grown and married, and my daughter is racing toward being 17 (as she reminds me very often), I have began to wonder what would be next, and that is where I wonder...and wander.
I remember reading in a friend's blog about the need to take time to nourish our marriages and adult relationships all the while raising our kids, and I think that goes for nourishing ourselves too. It's so easy to give and become the mom and educator and trainer and so forth...and not pay attention to the little pieces of ourselves that actually make up the 'who' of us.
Selfish thoughts? I don't know. I wonder if they are.
Getting easier every year
1 day ago
5 comments:
I totally agree. You need to see to your physical and spiritual needs as well as having friends and interests of your own. I have learned in the last few years that some of my kids will leave and not have a lot of contact. Some will hurt me deeply. God will always be there and I need to be left with something. Hopefully, my husband will be there at least for some years and to not know who he is would be a shame.
I liked the comment you made on Cindy's blog and followed the link. Thanks for the reminder that we need to see to our own needs as well.
Blessings - jen
Hey, love your blog. I found you thru the Hoovers.
I wanted to respond to a great comment you left over there. Actually you have several great comments, very smart & well thought out. You were discussing how kids are gonna turn out 95% like their bio parents and such. I came from a nightmare home. Can't believe I wasn't taken from my parents. My dad is an addict, and my mom is developmentally delayed and physically disabled (although, that could be a ruse, just to trick the rest into not expecting anything of her). I turned out be be delightful, smart, responsible, and college educated. This was difficult to say the least, with the lack of intelligence and support in my family of origin. I had to grow up parenting the parents. Got a clue when I was 20, moved out, never looked back.
I got a bachelors degree in business and accounting from the University of WA, worked as a corporate accountant for many years, have raised three boys (two of which are special needs), been thru international adoption, and our local DSHS domestic adoption processes.
I thoroughly benefit from ongoing counseling. I'm lucky that's all I need, considering my biological family. I do not allow my dad any contact with me or my family. My mom, well, I keep her on the outskirts. I refuse to take care of her since I did it my whole childhood. So she lives in Government subsidized Senior Disability Housing. Works for all of us.
Anyway, feel free to connect with me. I'm an adult who survived an unthinkable unbringing. I could be the minority, but it does happen. I'm not a criminal, psychopath, sociopath, or trouble maker. I may have a big mouth, but I'm pretty harmless.
Blessings to you, Esther
I clicked on you from Cindy's comments. I like how you write. This post speaks to me a lot. I am 48 and have been thinking how my body feels used up. I'm slow, am full of stress and don't care to do a whole lot about the physical stuff to take better care of myself because that will be one more thing on my plate. How not normal is that!
Hey you've been Snarked! Come over to pick it up-
Thanks for stopping by my blog--we not only share the same first name we appear to share the same son!! lol.... I appreciate the support your comments gave and hope that what I write also gives you some extra support.
Lisa @ http://hopewellmomschoolreborn.blogspot.com/
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